that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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