thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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