there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
