I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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