i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
