Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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