I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
