this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize