I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
