Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
BRING THE BAGELS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
