He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
