Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
