You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
