I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
