I faked an abortion last night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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