I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
