You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
