new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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