it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
