I showed him my bush... on skype.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
