he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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