I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
