shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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