Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
