when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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