I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
