You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
