so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i now understand why vodka
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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