I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
