i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
