Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
3pm strippers are depressing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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