I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
where are my eyebrows?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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