I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
