I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
