I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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