Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
