I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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