You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
