well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
