grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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