Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
