Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
