my being single is dangerous.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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