I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
