Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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