Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
