Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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