It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
