I met the friendliest cop last night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
