Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
