Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I didn't notice because vodka
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
