I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
