The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
