I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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