You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
