rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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