i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
