Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
