So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
