you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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