She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
