youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
