i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
