Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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