I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
