I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
