My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
