My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
