And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
