Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
