Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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