He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize