everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
