just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize