His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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