Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
