...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
