I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize