I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
