The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Randomize
