If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
