your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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