Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
