are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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