finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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