I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
