so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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