and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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