What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
