i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
